THAT morning in early Autumn of 2023 seemed normal enough.  In typical fashion, as I had a bit of time to myself while I got ready for work in a quiet house.

Since I had just finished an audiobook, I opted for YouTube that morning.  Having recently started a side hustle, I planned on hitting one of my favorite channels about growing my business.

When I opened the YouTube app on my phone, there was a suggested video at the top of my feed that caught my eye.  I don’t even know how it got there – to this day I see it as providential.

It was “10 Childhood Autistic Traits That Make Sense Now”, by Mom on the Spectrum.

Curious, I clicked on it.

VIEWING THAT VIDEO became one of THOSE moments.  Those moments in life that create a ‘before’ and ‘after’ chasm.  You know those moments; we all have them.

…after I graduated.

…before I broke my arm.

…after I moved to the lake.

And so on.

MY BRAIN was practically on fire watching this video.  I had like EVERY SINGLE TRAIT that was mentioned when I was a child.

What did this mean?  

Before I saw that video, I knew about Autism.  I have known and worked with at least one Autistic.  I know people with Autistic children.  That was it.  The extent of my knowledge and experience.

My husband of nearly 20 years has always joked that I am a ‘high functioning Autistic’.  IT WAS A JOKE of his.  It wasn’t supposed to be a diagnosis (so I thought).

Finishing the video, I was in some sort of stunned whirlwind.  I immediately went to her channel and found a video called “10 Overlooked Autistic Traits in Women”. 

That SEALED THE DEAL for me, and I went on a YouTube rampage that lasted for weeks.  I devoured videos on Autism, beginning with Autism traits, moving on to coping skills, women and Autism, and then late diagnosis.

DIAGNOSIS.  That became the consuming thought.  I took four separate online tests that all indicated I was definitely Autistic.

I explored the concept of obtaining a medical diagnosis.  I was completely compelled to move forward in that direction.  Self-diagnosis, while popular, and perfectly valid, was not something that I personally felt satisfied with.  I needed to go ‘all the way’ and take this journey to what I saw as some sort of logical conclusion at the time.  So many random pieces of my life had suddenly come together under one umbrella, and it had a name.  Autism.  How had I lived 47 years of my life and not known this about myself? 

I had so many answers, and so many questions, all at the same time.

I wanted…. Validation.  Direction.  Clarification.  Understanding. Guidance.  I NEEDED a diagnosis.  

But I kept seeing so many terrible stories out there of people like me, seeking a diagnosis, and entering into this journey, hopeful that their needs will be met, only to be misdiagnosed, dismissed, invalidated, and worse.

How to obtain the diagnosis I desperately sought?  All sources say to call your GP and get a referral.  I just KNEW that was not the way for me.  I began an online search.

….and discovered GRASP.

GRASP is an online resource that I instantly KNEW was the right fit for me.  With anxiety almost more than I could bear, I reached out with an initial email explaining my situation and desire to work with them.

The journey had just begun, and I knew it was going to be a wild ride.

Feeling much like a child, embarking on a new chapter in my life, that would be so very different than all the others.  Truly finding myself for the very first time, on a new level, that I never realized was possible until after… I watched THAT video.

RK