Alexithymia: Difficulty Identifying & Processing my Emotions

This is a tough one.  I never identified this even existed in myself until I was learning about Autism traits and a light bulb blinked on in my head.

The thing is, it doesn't really come up unless I am interacting with someone else on a personal level.  As an Autistic, that tends to be fairly limited in scope. But when it happens, it can be a disaster.

It's hard to explain.  It's sometimes like my feelings are hidden in a murky cloud and I can't see them.  So attempting to emote about them is impossible.  Others can then feel as though I am hiding something or am unwilling to speak about it.

• Not knowing how I feel at a given time can make interacting with other humans extremely challenging
• Taking too long to process my feelings can be frustrating to others
• Rushing it makes things come out wrong
• Feeling anxious makes my Alexithymia worse
• This is a huge struggle in my life when it comes to relating to others

This has gotten me in trouble a number of times.  I am misunderstood and things can go south quickly.  Articulating something badly, especially when another person has presuppositions as to my motives or what I really mean, has led to broken relationships in my life.