My Missing Identity

Before my diagnosis, I knew that I tend to blend in with the crowd, whoever that may be at the time. I had never heard the term “Identity Diffusion” before I really started diving in to all things Autism.

Once I learned about this, so many things fell into place. It was a rough realization. How messed up could it be to have such a blurry picture of who I am? To find myself floundering (at nearly age 50) when it comes to figuring out what I want to be when I grow up?

How many times have I placed myself in situations that were not helpful or even harmful because I simply was floating around, not knowing where I belonged? It’s a tough pill to swallow. To know that I was blessed with good brains, a handful of talent, and a drive that doesn’t know how to stop? What could I have done with that? It’s so easy to fall into the what ifs and I have to train myself away form the whispering thoughts that inform me: I wasted so much of my life. Floating around, trying to fit in where I clearly didn’t, imitating someone else instead of cultivating my own self, and medicating for years with addictions.

So here I am, almost 50, and just now getting down to the nitty gritty of discovering myself. I am in a career that I can’t stand and have been working for a couple years now to make a change. I could very well have switched fields by now, had I not gone from thing to thing because I don’t know what I like until I try it. I know that I can do anything, which opens the entire world up, but what SHOULD I do?

I realized a while back that it’s important for me to love what I do. I have to be able to enjoy myself, stretch myself, and use my talents.

If I could do anything at all, I would be my own boss. Work from home. Do art. Write a book. Be creative. Do public speaking engagements.

And so, I have embarked on a path of realizing my dream. Armed with the knowledge of my Neurodiversity, I am confident that this is within reach, and simply need to strive towards that end.

It would sure beat Property Management, where my soul dies just a little bit every day.

And so, Autistic Lately has truly been born. A complete vision. A place that serves the Neurodivergent community, while thriving in its own identity. A place where perhaps, I can truly come into my own, and help others do the same.

Let’s start with what we know for sure, and throw out the rest. Who are we for sure?

My Faith – My Family – My Creativity – My Passion – My Individuality – My Love of Nature.

These are things I know. How about you?

Start with what you know.

-RK